Guidelines On How To Fail Your Exams

Megan Mannelly, Editor

Ah, December, the most wonderful time of the year what with the roasting marshmallows, Christmas trees, delectable food, and giant exams. That’s right Thunderbird, it’s exam season and this is your one-way guide on how to completely flunk each and every test to perfection. Too many people spend too much time on tests. Study this, study that. You know what? Just don’t study at all. Fail your tests. Just read and perfect each and every one of these points and you will find yourself successfully flunking, my wonderful reader.

 

1. Dont Study

Studying is such a waste of time these days when bright young minds could be exploring other options of endless knowledge such as TikTok For You pages or DreamSMP wikis. Studying for Math, Science, English, History, or other tests is already so strenuous. “Studying is boring and I would rather be doing other things. It has never helped me on my exams and I dont see a difference, anyway.” Says an anonymous student, about to take a college algebra exam. Additionally, studying is for nerds, and so is passing. This is perhaps the most important part of failing your exams, you cannot flunk if you know all of the material. “It’s so easy to not study.” Says yet another poor student made participate in this godforsaken article. 

 

2. Play Videogames instead

The second most important point of failure would be to play video games instead of focusing on the exams. “Playing video games has taught me more than anything at this school. All I need is a good chug jug and I will be getting a victory royale in Fortnite, rather than my exams.” Chug jug all the way, who needs math when you can be like Ninja and scream at children while playing a knock-off version of Hunger Games. 

 

3. Sleep through the exam

“Sleep plays a vital role in good health and well-being throughout your life.” Says the national heart, blood, and lung institute. Sleep is extremely important to every individual, and there is no better time to catch up on much-needed Z’s than sleeping through your exams. Kill two birds with one stone so to speak. But, in order to truly achieve this and perfectly snore your way to failure, be sure to stay up late playing video games.  


4. Results 

Now that you have successfully failed your exams, celebrate by sobbing, it’s a wonderful way to get all of the joy out of your system afterward. After sobbing, it is highly suggested that you contemplate your future, to completely establish that you made the correct choice. 

 

Flunking, failing, and flawing, with these handy steps, the grade book will never recover. So grab a copy of the most cringy game, forget about your tests, and sleep in this upcoming exam season.